t minus 3-days

so, i've realized that if i expect myself to sit down and write a long, philosophical, inspiring post every time i write on this thing, it will never happen. so instead, i'm going to use bullet points of brief updates. i will probably do this more often than not in the future as well. if something particularly interests you (don't pretend like everything does), shoot me an email and i'll give you more details. also, since i love titles, i will be titling each bullet point.

"los cortesi--or--the south american family that doesn't know what's about to hit 'em"
i've been in continual contact with my host family and they truly sound amazing. they are musicians (3 guitars in the house!!), and they seem like incredibly sweet people. i've been emailing back and forth with my brother and sister the most, so i'm very excited to meet them.

"a very merry christmas--or--how a chihuahua named julio saved christmas"
i was back in iowa for christmas and it was great. i loved being around the family. i really missed my chicago family, but overall it was a relaxing and very enjoyable vacation at home.


"the big 2-1--or--the night downtown davenport rocked with some of the sweetest dance moves it's ever seen"
the 27th was my 21st birthday and i can honestly say that there are few things i could imagine which would have made the night better. i had dinner with the whole family first (sans the youngest generation. they steal too much of my attention). then, my brothers and sisters (in-law, not yet in-law, etc.) went out downtown for drinks and dancing. as i told everyone at dinner, i had quite a realization over break that i honestly feel more loved when people spend quality time with me than from any other thing. take away any material gifts, clever/helpful acts, or footrubs (maybe not footrubs) and spend an afternoon with me any day. sitting around the table with my family and laughing hysterically, knowing there were so many activities, jobs, children, etc on their minds, made me feel like the incredibly blessed person that i am. also, all the phone calls and email/facebook messages i got on my birthday are nearly the same. knowing that someone took time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday is a great, great feeling and truly means the world to me. so, thank you, family, for everything. and thank you, friends, for all the kind words on my 21st. and thank you, god, for the dance moves.

final preparations

t minus 10 days until my departure. i'm currently putting the final touches on everything:

-i have received my visa and turned in all my forms to loyola.

-i have been supplied with every camping/traveling supply i could ever need.

-i have been in constant contact with my familia down there.

-i am watching 'love actually' in spanish.


so, i guess now all that remains is that little matter of saying goodbye to all the people i love so much. i'm starting to think maybe it was a bad idea to surround myself with such amazing people, in two different states even.

for now, back to 'amor realmente.'

tengo familia chilena! i have a chilean family!

castellano:
tengo familia chilena! acabo de recibir un email de mi familia en chile! estoy tan emocionada que tengo que escribir en castellano. no tengo mucho tiempo ahorita, porque tengo que dormirme porque tengo cita en la manana para obtener mi visa, pero quiero grabar el entusiasmo intenso que estoy sintiendo ahora. esta es la primera vez que esta experiencia ha sido real para mi. ya no es solamente papeles y ensayos y planes de viajar, sino que sea una familia real! hay una madre, clara, un padre, patricio, un hijo de 21, camilo, y una hija de 15, bernadita. tambien hay una asesora que se llama "nana." (todo el mundo tiene asesoras en sudamerica, mas o menos.) ok, tengo que dormir, pero, voy a escribir mas manana. alelgria!

english:
i have a chilean family!!! i just received an email from my family in chile! i'm so excited that i have to write in spanish (but am happy to translate.) i dont have much time now, because i have to go to sleep because i have my visa appointment in the morning, but i want to record the intense enthusiasm i'm feeling right now. this is the first time this experience has been real for mi. it's no longer only papers and essays and travel plans, but it's a real family! there is a mother, clara, a father, patricio, a 21-year-old son, camilo, and a 15-year-old daughter, bernadita. they also have a maid that they call "nana." (from what i've heard, everyone has a maid in south america, more or less.) ok, i have to sleep, but i'll write more tomorrow. joy!

hasta pronto!

(megan--ya sufre mi ingles!)

two posts in one day? it must be finals week!

i just need to post some pictures from a recent christmas party to show everyone why i love my roommates with the intensity that i do.
they are my chicago family and i love them more than i can say.

the stars are aligning...

so, good news. (i'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats...)

i got a call the other day and my visa is done! this is great, considering i wasn't even sure if it would be done by my january 3rd departure. i get to go pick it up next week, so, as far is the governments of both countries are concerned, i'm as good as gone. awesome.

also, i went in to speak with the head of the spanish dept to see which courses i could get approved while i'm abroad for credit here, and he told me that ANY class i take there, because they are all taught in spanish, will count towards my major. so basically, i am guaranteed to finish my major while i'm there and i can take any class to do it. so, instead of having to limit myself to 17th century spanish prose (although i'm sure thrilling), i can take courses like modern chilean literature, or language and society, or sociology of communication. this is beyond the intensive spanish course and poverty and development classes which i will already be taking. this is great news.

thanks for sharing mi alegria (my joy)!

hasta pronto.

buenos dias--i mean--good morning?

i have officially applied for my visa. it is now time to wait and get excited. (and pray that it gets done so i can pick it up before my flight on the 3rd).
when i went in to the chilean consolute yesterday to drop it off, the woman in the office greeted me with a kind "buenos dias." immediately, my mind and heart were racing. should i speak spanish? what if she responds and i don't know what she says? what if she asks important questions that i don't understand? but, i've heard they can be pretty mean in here, maybe it'll help if i speak spanish...
so what did i do? i chickened out.
"good morning," i responded. "i need to apply for my visa."

i'm sure i won't display weakness like that once i'm there, right? i'll have to assume that people do not speak english, so i'll have to just risk it y hablar castellano (spanish). i won't have a choice, so i'll just have to put my pride aside and make a fool of myself sometimes. or all the time.
ojala que tenga paciencia la gente. (hopefully the people will have patience.)

another small excitement:
yesterday while i was at work, i started reading through a packet about chile that the program director gave us in preparation for the trip. as i was reading the section about "the people of chile" i became overly excited upon reading that "although generally shy and reserved at first, the people are known for their dry, witty and sarcastic sense of humor." maybe i will fit in after all!
this is something i've been thinking about a lot lately. after talking with my roommate megan (who spent 7 months this year in argentina), i've been really reflecting on what it will be like to express myself in spanish. i already become flustered and unable to speak upon seeing the spanish professor i like a little too much, what will happen when i have to express EVERY emotion in this other language. as spazzy and awkward as i am in english sometimes, i can only imagine how that will be in spanish. but perhaps, if i can simply master spanish sarcasm, and connect with some people who respond to that, i'll fit in perfectly despite my 5'10 1/2" north american frame.
yeah...right.

ciao.

so, i've been pressured slightly to add to my blog. obviously el 5 de noviembre was quite a while ago. and while i'm sure i could count on one hand how many people look at this blog, i will oblige.

this blog is not a diary.
this has been a difficult thing for me to recognize. i think the reason i haven't written on it much is because i only feel like writing when i'm feeling really emotional about something, which is usually negative, and i think, "anyone who reads this will think i'm depressed. or worse yet, emo!" (emu for you, tesi)
so, in case that happens at any point, i want to write a "happy" post.

as my departure date of january 3rd is quickly approaching (my plane tickets arrived in the mail the other day!), i'm beginning to think more practically about chile. what will life be like there? what will i need to pack? what will i miss most?
i will miss a lot. i will miss driving up lake shore at dusk. i will miss sitting in my sunroom with my guitar. i will miss grey's anatomy with my roommates (not greys anatomy in general, mind you, as i will still have the internet). and i will miss lake michigan, which i have undoubtedly taken for granted. (i promise, it gets "happier") but above all, i will miss being around the people i love.
last week, i had a great people week. it was really amazing. every night of the week i spent at least some portion of the night in good quality time with someone(s) i love. it came to a culmination sunday night when some of us were sitting around the premium (my apartment) around midnight, doing our own thing. someone in the sunroom studying, some of us on the couches reading, a few people in the kitchen chatting, others in the bedrooms listening to music. everyone was comfortable, no one needed to be entertained or hosted. it was a beautiful moment in which i felt an overwhelming sense of community. above all else, i will miss this.

today, as i was sitting at my brother and sister-in-law's house in iowa while my brother and dad installed a lamp (hil-arous), my nephews ran around and played, and my sister and i chatted in the kitchen, i realized this too was that completely comfortable community i would miss so much.

and tonight, as a different brother and his family as well as my parents and i gathered around the tv at my parents house to watch project runway (that's right), i was again blessed with that feeling of overwhelming, unconditional love that i will miss so much.

a few weeks ago i found myself overwhelmed by the amount of things to do before chile. get background check, go to doctor, apply for visa, visa appointment, apply for grad school, remember to go to classes and do homework, plan a retreat, feel sorry for myself, et cetera, et cetera. it was truly a blessing to have these last couple weeks of good, quality time with people i love, and i believe it has helped me decide how to prioritize my last month in the states.

hasta pronto.

el 5 de noviembre

i just wrote 'el 5 de noviembre' (november 5th) on top of a paper for my spanish class tomorrow, and i am overwhelmed at the fact that it is already november. i leave for chile in exactly two months from yesterday--january 3rd. this is crazy. right now i'm sitting in my sunroom, in my apartment in chicago, listening to kanye west and arcade fire, sipping peppermint tea, and working on homework. in two months i will be in the home of a family i've never met, listening to a language i don't speak fluently, surrounded by people i don't know, eating food and drinking drinks i've never tried or heard of, in a city of which i've only seen a few pictures.

how am i honestly supposed to do my homework right now? it's hard to think that it matters knowing that...it doesn't. these papers i have to write will be the last thing on my mind in two months.

and how am i supposed to continually love and be around the amazing people around me like it'll always be this way, knowing that it won't? what a weird state to be in.
i'm neither here nor there.

alas, the learning must continue.


why do i only post when i have the most work to do? i'm noticing up a bad trend...

a new beginning

i just started this new blog. i don't know what happened to my old blog. i only read the blogs of people i really really love because i don't really like reading blogs. this is my first post and i've already used the word blog five times. that's quite a precedent.

i created this blog (#6) at 1:15am. anything to not do natural science homework. i am a social work and spanish major.

i recently got a tattoo on my wrist of the word zao, the title of this blog (#7). it means 'i am alive' in greek. jesus said he came that i may have life abundantly, so i can now look down at my wrist and hear him say, 'live.'

i just wrote a life mission statement. it will be something for me to look at everyday and smile and know that EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

i am going to live and study in santiago, chile in january. that's what this blog (#8) is really for, and i probably won't post again until then.

i wonder when i will decide to tell people about this blog (#9). probably soon because i am hilarious and want everyone to know that.

i am tired. i am going to take a shower and go to bed.

i am alive.