so, i've been pressured slightly to add to my blog. obviously el 5 de noviembre was quite a while ago. and while i'm sure i could count on one hand how many people look at this blog, i will oblige.

this blog is not a diary.
this has been a difficult thing for me to recognize. i think the reason i haven't written on it much is because i only feel like writing when i'm feeling really emotional about something, which is usually negative, and i think, "anyone who reads this will think i'm depressed. or worse yet, emo!" (emu for you, tesi)
so, in case that happens at any point, i want to write a "happy" post.

as my departure date of january 3rd is quickly approaching (my plane tickets arrived in the mail the other day!), i'm beginning to think more practically about chile. what will life be like there? what will i need to pack? what will i miss most?
i will miss a lot. i will miss driving up lake shore at dusk. i will miss sitting in my sunroom with my guitar. i will miss grey's anatomy with my roommates (not greys anatomy in general, mind you, as i will still have the internet). and i will miss lake michigan, which i have undoubtedly taken for granted. (i promise, it gets "happier") but above all, i will miss being around the people i love.
last week, i had a great people week. it was really amazing. every night of the week i spent at least some portion of the night in good quality time with someone(s) i love. it came to a culmination sunday night when some of us were sitting around the premium (my apartment) around midnight, doing our own thing. someone in the sunroom studying, some of us on the couches reading, a few people in the kitchen chatting, others in the bedrooms listening to music. everyone was comfortable, no one needed to be entertained or hosted. it was a beautiful moment in which i felt an overwhelming sense of community. above all else, i will miss this.

today, as i was sitting at my brother and sister-in-law's house in iowa while my brother and dad installed a lamp (hil-arous), my nephews ran around and played, and my sister and i chatted in the kitchen, i realized this too was that completely comfortable community i would miss so much.

and tonight, as a different brother and his family as well as my parents and i gathered around the tv at my parents house to watch project runway (that's right), i was again blessed with that feeling of overwhelming, unconditional love that i will miss so much.

a few weeks ago i found myself overwhelmed by the amount of things to do before chile. get background check, go to doctor, apply for visa, visa appointment, apply for grad school, remember to go to classes and do homework, plan a retreat, feel sorry for myself, et cetera, et cetera. it was truly a blessing to have these last couple weeks of good, quality time with people i love, and i believe it has helped me decide how to prioritize my last month in the states.

hasta pronto.

el 5 de noviembre

i just wrote 'el 5 de noviembre' (november 5th) on top of a paper for my spanish class tomorrow, and i am overwhelmed at the fact that it is already november. i leave for chile in exactly two months from yesterday--january 3rd. this is crazy. right now i'm sitting in my sunroom, in my apartment in chicago, listening to kanye west and arcade fire, sipping peppermint tea, and working on homework. in two months i will be in the home of a family i've never met, listening to a language i don't speak fluently, surrounded by people i don't know, eating food and drinking drinks i've never tried or heard of, in a city of which i've only seen a few pictures.

how am i honestly supposed to do my homework right now? it's hard to think that it matters knowing that...it doesn't. these papers i have to write will be the last thing on my mind in two months.

and how am i supposed to continually love and be around the amazing people around me like it'll always be this way, knowing that it won't? what a weird state to be in.
i'm neither here nor there.

alas, the learning must continue.


why do i only post when i have the most work to do? i'm noticing up a bad trend...