"the great escape" or "trapped in the office (part 1)" or "how to catch a white girl in your backyard"

note: the following story is true and happened to me yesterday.


it had actually been a pretty good day. i had a lot of things to get done, and i was relatively productive in getting them done. and my friends dany and lalo, who normally have to go work in the community, needed to do office work as well. so, i even had company during the day. my boss was out of town for a couple days, so i was excited to make good progress on some projects to show her when she returned.

in the afternoon, as everyone was starting to pack up and head out, i decided to finish a little early and head to the back of the house (the office where i work is in the house where i live), where there’s a little gym, to run on the treadmill. it’s the time of day when i get to expend all the energy that’s built up by sitting in front of the computer for 8ish hours, and i tend to look forward to it quite a bit.

after a good workout, i started to head in, through the backyard towards the house, planning to take a quick shower before getting a cup of coffee with a friend. but, as i walked back through the outdoor patio, i realized that door to the laundry room, the door i would enter, the door with a deadbolt on the other side, was closed.

shit.

seriously, shit. whoever was still in the office when i went back to the gym didn’t realize i was there and closed and locked the door.

well, one of the offices has a door to the back patio, so maybe that would be open. but alas, it wasn’t. deadbolted as well.

shit.

this couldn’t really be happening, right? everyone was definitely gone by this point. my boss (and the owner of the house) wouldn’t be back until the following day. i was in the backyard, in my gym clothes, with the two dogs. no phone. no people nearby. and even if i could somehow yell to someone to help, i would need to get someone with a key to open the front door of the house to come in and let me out. and then the clouds starting to form for the afternoon rain. shit.

the door to the back office was at least somewhat cracked, even though it had a deadbolt. there had to be some way to get it open. i was never in girl scouts, but i’ve seen a lot of movies. i figured i had to figure out a way to get open. plus, i mean…i am a grad student afterall…

i found this big knife/tool thing in the back yard and began scraping it against the deadbolt and amazingly enough it moved! after a few minutes of scraping and prying, i got it open! i couldn’t believe it. for a while there, i honestly thought i would just have to sleep in the backyard for the night. but no. my exact thoughts were, “i totally just ‘man vs wild’-ed that shit!” i was really impressed with myself.

so i entered the office, laughing at the almost-catastrophe, and walked through until i reached the other door. the OTHER damn door that only opens from the inside. you’ve got to be kidding me. and this one, an older, wooden door, has this weird-ass metal lock on the outside that involves twisting this spiral piece through another piece, etc, etc. ridiculous.

but, i got the first lock, right? so i figured i could get the other one without having to tell anyone i was trapped in my own house. plus, i had at least reached a place with shelter, a bathroom, and water, not to mention a phone and computers.

at first, i thought maybe i could just knock it loose, but after a couple strong shoulders to the door, i heard a few cracks and realized that that was probably the worst idea. but, above the door was open, with a row of wooden poles. i figured that if i could just find something with a reflection to see it and some type of pole, i might be able to get it. i went into the back closet and found a broom, from which i untwisted the pole, and a spatula. damn straight.
but, after about 10 minutes and one terrifying second where i thought my arm was stuck, i realized that wasn’t going to work. (i was increasingly impressed throughout the whole ordeal to learn how many Spanish curse words i’ve picked up, though…)

but i was in an office! i had a phone, computers, etc. this couldn’t be that difficult, i would just have to swallow my pride and let someone know what happened. but i quickly realized that i didn’t know anyone’s numbers. they were all in my cell phone, in my room, about 50 feet away. computer. in the first, no internet. good lord, you’ve got to be kidding me. the second worked and i immediately signed on to email and facebook (thank you mark zuckerburg!) after a quick email to my brother jake explaining why i couldn’t currently talk to him on skype (which, i found out later, he told my nephew oliver that “aunt kait is trapped in a room in her house,” and he promptly began to cry. we had to skype today so he could see i was okay), i signed on to facebook and sent a message to my 4 best friends who live in this city to ask for help. “ayudame—en serio, or ‘help me, seriously” was the subject line. i sent a few emails, again realizing that i had to reach one of about 3 people that have a key to the house, while trying to tell as few people as possible what was going on. and then, with no phone numbers and no responses, i started imagining how funny it was going to be when the people showed up for work in the morning and i was balled up under their desks sleeping on the floor.

but, i hadn’t yet given up. i went back in to the really full storage closet of stuff and looked for other things to try to work on the lock. i taped a pen to the pole for more precision. i taped the spatula to another pole. i took a long, heavy mirror from the back of a cabinet and prayed that i didn’t drop on the other side of the door. but after at least another hour trying to open and randomly checking the computer, making it about 2 hours in total now, i officially gave up on the door. i wasn’t going to be able to “man vs wild” that shit. so, i went back to facebook.

and praise the lord, my best friend here, Dany, answered my facebook message.
dany: “katy, que te pasa???? hablas en serio? o es chiste?”—“kait, what’s going on? are you serious? or is this a joke?”
me: “i know you would think it’s a joke, but i’m serious. please please please help me.”
dany: “ok, how do i get in to the house?”
me: “well…that’s the thing. we have to find someone with a key. or else you can’t get into the house.”
dany: “okay, what are their phone numbers?”
me: “well, that’s the other thing. i don’t have any of them.”

suddenly, my other friend who lives at the same place came on:

lalo: “kait, it’s lalo. i don’t believe you. you’re joking.”
me: “lalo, i’m going to kill you. i’m not joking. you have to figure out how to get me out of here.”

after another 30 minutes of them calling anyone they could think of to get the numbers of more people to call to find someone with a key, ensuring that everyone in the state found out what was happening (except my boss, of course, because she refuses to use a cell phone), they got the address of someone nearby who would have the number of my boss’s brother, who has a key.

dany: “we’re heading out right now for the house. we’ll call you in the office to update you. i’ll leave facebook on in case you need anything. do you think you’ll make it?”
me: “at least i have water…but hurry.”

as it was coming close to 830, making it about 3 hours in the damn room, the phone rang. dany told me that they got a hold of the brother and he would be there as soon as he could, in about an hour.

so, after disassembling and putting away my various tools, i sat in the office, talked on facebook, and watched ‘daily show’ clips while i waited--just like the pioneers probably did when they were trapped in the wilderness…

about 40 minutes later, he showed up, and freed me.

mmm…i breathed in deep and kissed the ground. like a new lease on life…
and then my boss’s brother explained that when i go out the first door, that i originally went out for the gym, i have to put out the deadbolt because otherwise the wind will blow it shut like that.

you’ve got to be shitting me. the only thing that made me feel a little bit less like an idiot was the thought that someone unintentionally locked me out. but no. the wind closed the door that i had left open.

as i was about to get into the shower, (i was filthy from digging through the storage closets), dany and lalo ran up to the house.

“no! he already let you out!? we wanted to take pictures of us coming in to save you!!!”

“shut up.” i said. “but thank you so much. i would have been completely screwed without you two.”

and thus, i am officially the ‘gringa that got locked in the back of the house.’ today, around the office, the maid and one of the other employees mentioned a couple other times that it had happened to various people in the past couple years, but i’m not sure if it was true or they were just trying to make me feel better.

the next time i hear someone say, “ay, katy” (as in, “ay ay ay” and “kah-tee” because they can’t say kait), with a mixture of pity, annoyance, and laughter, i’m going to go crazy.