the paradox of choice

a few days before leaving for japan, i was trying to explain to someone that one thing i was excited for was to be somewhat limited in the way i would live. i was excited to go to place where i didn’t know the language or the customs, and this would cause me to have to “make do” in a lot of ways, because i wouldn’t be able to just do whatever i felt like or wanted. i think this very much relates to some of my other traveling experiences, especially sri lanka. after coming back from that experience (which i long for in many more ways and for many more reasons than these restrictions), i think i really struggled with being in such a huge and amazing city like Chicago, with a (for me) well-paying job, and not many responsibilities. i am, of course, not trying to complain about this situation at all. of course it is a privilege to live such a rosy existence. and i attempted to appreciate every moment of it. however, it was difficult. and by the springtime (especially when i had quit my job in anticipation for japan and was waiting for everything to finalize) i found myself, rather than using the time and exploring the city, sitting in my apartment a lot. i felt like i was constantly on overload from various stimuli in every direction. hence the desire to go somewhere where i don’t have to constantly decide what i should do or eat, etc, because there are a very limited or no options—i just do what i can, eat what’s available, shower when i can, wear whatever clothes i happen to have.

and at first, this was the case here in japan, and it was pretty great. i got my food from the same couple places because they were the only ones i knew. i went to the same couple stores because they were the only ones i could find my way home from. i used the few, crappy items in my apartment because i had no money and no idea about how/where to buy anything at all. and it was great.

but, as i’ve grown a bit more comfortable and had a bit more time to explore and experience, of course, these restrictions have increasingly fallen away. but, rather than open up a lot of new opportunities, as you might imagine, i’ve found it’s had a bit of a different effect. it has paralyzed me, much in the same way things did in Chicago/iowa/etc. for example, since the day i first arrived in my apartment, i told myself, ‘i really need some shelves or drawers, even crappy plastic ones, to organize some stuff—like clothes, papers, electronics, kitchen or bathroom stuff. and here i am, almost 3 weeks later, and still without. have i not found any, you ask? quite the opposite. i’ve gone to probably 10 different stores (no exaggeration) that have this selection or more:



and every time, i end up thinking, “goo! i have no idea which of these would be best. it would be nice to have bigger ones, but i’m not sure they’ll fit very well in that part of my apartment. i better go home and think about it some more. i don’t want to waste $50 on drawers and then end up wanting to buy something else.” and so, i continue to leave with nothing. i shit you not, i have done this 5-10 times in the last couple weeks.

and in addition, i find that it frustrates me way more than i ever would normally be, when i can’t find something i really want. for example, i have gone out a number of times looking specifically for a reading light/desk lamp, to put by my bed so i can read at night without the big overhead light on. and i swear to you, it is like finding an iowan in japan (like that? i was also going to go with "finding a sumo wrestler in iowa"). the things seem to not exist here. the couple that i have found were over $60. for a little reading lamp. absolutely ridiculous. and not relative to the prices for other home-type items. and if, for example, i had looked for this in sri lanka, i wouldn’t have been at all disappointed in not finding it at the one little grocery store i went to a few times. and in fact, i did read by the overhead light and got up to turn it off every night. and i got used to it quite quickly. but because i know that inexpensive reading lights MUST exist here, i am super frustrated every time i go into a store and walk out without one. (for the record, i did buy an annoying little clip-on light today for $30 that will probably (hopefully) be replaced some day. so, when i do make a choice, i'm not happy with it because i know there are others). here are some of the other many, many, many things there were to choose and choose and choose from, just from TODAY's trip to ONE store:







another reason i think i am thinking about all of this so much currently is that i am currently reading infinite jest by david foster Wallace, which is—among many other things—about the hyper-consumerism of modern times and how we are constantly being marketed to. and how nearly everything is available for purchase. and this may be even more true here than in Chicago. it is ridiculously overwhelming. there are signs/ads everywhere. and they are big and bright and loud. the book is amazing, and i am planning to do a future post on it, as i continue working on it. (today i had a thought, though, that, “my best friends right now are characters—albeit great ones—in a novel. a teenage tennis player and a drug rehab house worker.” is that weird?)

and as i’ve been thinking about all this, i came across the following video the other night. and i think it describes EXACTLY what i’ve been feeling. it is the fact that choice is not necessarily better, but rather can be quite paralyzing. there is so much EVERYWHERE here. there are huge department stores on every corner. there are countless bag stores, book stores, shoe stores, stationary stores, restaurants, cafes, electronic stores, etc, etc, etc, just on my 15 minute walk to and from the train every day. watch the video here:



and so, with that in mind, i have been recalling again some of the reasons why i was so incredibly happy in sri lanka. every day, i got up, wore whatever i had, drank instant coffee, ate whatever was prepared for me, went wherever i was taken, talked to whomever i was around, dealt with whatever the weather was doing, was in my room by 8pm, read whatever i books i had, and went to bed. it was simple. and beautiful. and i had lovely people to spend it with. and i’m not saying that i won’t be able to make it work here and that i won’t be just as happy as i was there or Chicago or anywhere. but it is so very different. and it will take some extra adjustment. and some damn decisions. lots and lots and lots of decisions. chances are, when people come to visit me in 6 months or more, i’ll still be storing things in plastic bags and suitcases. i’m cool with that.

oh, and the big decision for this coming week, when we have national holidays all week and i don’t have to work at all: a bike. luckily, money will be a big factor in that. it’s a decision i’m almost excited for, though!