i've posted this poem before, but i continue to come back to it, as it continues to be so utterly relevant.
the departure of the prodigal son by r.m. rilke
To go forth now
from all the entanglement
that is ours and yet not ours,
that, like the water in an old well,
reflects us in fragments, distorts what we are.
From all that clings like burrs and brambles—
to go forth
and see for once, close up, afresh,
what we had ceased to see—
so familiar it had become.
To glimpse how vast and how impersonal
is the suffering that filled your childhood.
Yes, to go forth, hand pulling away from hand.
Go forth to what? To uncertainty,
to a country with no connections to us
and indifferent to the dramas of our life.
What drives you to go forth? Impatience, instinct,
a dark need, the incapacity to understand.
To bow to all this.
To let go—
even if you have to die alone.
Is this the start of a new life?
notice, it is sheer uncertainty to which we go forth, away from entanglement and that which we know, perhaps to other suffering or even lonely death--but always to life.
rilke understood my future existence almost too well. maybe i am him? most certainly, i think.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
a glimpse of my life
here you go! it's a rough video, taken on a small digital camera, but i think it gives some idea of part of my life here. i hope you enjoy!
Monday, May 9, 2011
ah, entertainment
i'm planning a couple really good posts soon, but until then, enjoy these videos. i wish i could say they're joking, but i'm pretty sure these are/were for real. and it's reason enough to love this country.
Friday, May 6, 2011
BLAM!!
the last couple days have been really fun and productive. which is great combo.
the main highlight from yesterday:
i bought a bike! i had been trying for a couple days, stalled by weather and holidays (on which the shop was closed). so, i was extremely excited when i was finally able to get it yesterday! for now, i’m toying with the name “akka”, which means “red” in Japanese, “sister” in tamil, “here” in Spanish, and… “(a surprised exclamation [a-ha] with a hard Yiddish accent)?” in English. all good things! it’s a bit small, but i love the retro style (which is the norm here). i immediately took it for a long ride, to where i work, to test out the route. it’s a long and somewhat difficult ride, so i’ll probably only do it a couple times a week. it felt so great to ride though! today, riding it to run an errand, i found myself thinking, ‘life is better on a bike.’
while on my long ride to and from where i work (a little over an hour each way), i had time to see a whole other part of my city, at a nice pace. funny signs/things i saw:
- a denny’s. one of a few i’ve seen actually. of all chains to be here, denny’s? seriously? i don’t know the last time i was at a denny’s in the US, but i’m sure i’ll be craving some pancakes some day and will give it a try here. they better have some damn pancakes.
- a hardware store called “hard & tool.” i laughed out loud. i don’t know what it says about the English language (or just me?) that when traveling, a large majority of English-attempted signs are easily interpreted as penis references. i remember noam Chomsky once saying, “in language, we create slang for things we fear. that’s why the two things we have the most slang for are death and the penis (sex).” still—hard & tool? hilarious.
- a car dealership/shop called ‘TAX’—Total Automobile Excellence. again, i wanted to stop by and say, “hey, if you’re trying to bring in English-speaking customers with the English sign, best not using the acronym TAX. people don’t like those.”
- there was also a sign for ‘BLAM!!’ (yes, 2 exclamation points)!! it was an indoor sportscenter or something, but with a pretty technical sounding acronym for BLAM that i can’t remember.
- i also passed a bunch of random fields of crops. they smelled so wonderfully like farms and outdoors. i was pretty nostalgic for the Midwest US.
- i also really liked the courteous nature of people as i rode. there isn’t always a sidewalk, and rarely is there room for multiple people. so, if someone was coming opposite, someone would have to stop and let the other person go by. and i came up to a lot of old people walking that would stop, wait for me, and then we’d give a little head bow as we passed. it was very sweet.
and today—even better! i finally went into Tokyo. i went into a neighborhood called ikebukuro, which i haven’t heard great things about. i’ve heard it’s a bit grungy and without much to see. if this is “grungy”, then i can’t freakin’ wait to see the rest of Tokyo.
highlights:
someone actually talked to me! in English! (it doesn’t happen often). when i came up from the big, crazy train station, which seems more like an airport than a train station, this is what i saw:
and this was one of about 8 exits. i had my trusty guide book, ensuring that i look as touristy as possible, but i decided to look at the big map outside the station to orient myself before looking around. (luckily, there were these huge maps EVERYWHERE, so i really couldn’t have gotten lost if i’d tried.) as i was studying this map, trying to figure out which way i wanted to wander first, a guy came up and asked if i needed any help! i got so excited that he had offered, that i wanted to make up something specific i was looking for, but i didn’t actually have anything. so, i said, “thank you so much! but, i’m just kind of trying to get oriented before i head out. thank you though!” honestly, it seems insignificant, but it was a great way to start the day. i have looked lost plenty of times in my neighborhood, and have never had anyone say a thing to me.
as the picture above only KIND OF captures, the amount of life in this one area was incredible. there were people and signs and sounds and things everywhere. i didn’t even try to play it cool and look like i knew what i was doing. i was gaping like the most touristy tourist in the world. i was saying, ‘holy shit!’ out loud. things were just too amazing not to audibly exclaim.
diversity! i hadn’t seen too much in my city, but i actually saw some here! different races (it seems Africans have a pretty strong hold on the hip hop clothing market here, which is really interesting and somewhat ironic to me. a future post may be coming on this topic), different religions (some people in traditional muslim clothing, to whom i found myself giving a ‘hey, how’s it going fellow outsider’ type of look, until i felt like an insensitive idiot, and realized it’s probably a bit different and maybe more difficult thing for them), and different sexual orientations (i saw a same sex couple for the first time since i’ve been here). i also (FINALLY) saw some tattoos and piercings. i also saw an Indian restaurant and a Spanish bar! i’m definitely heading back for those. (i actually ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant, by accident, thinking it was Japanese food, and all my fears about eating out without someone to translate were confirmed. even though the menu had pictures and English translations, the vegetarian things i tried to order had meat in them. i tried to eat around the meat, but even still didn’t feel too great afterwards.)
i stumbled upon an awesome little used book/record/art shop. normally, i don’t go into the little bookstores because, you know, i don’t read Japanese. but, i noticed this one had records. they had a ton of awesome ones, for really cheap. i’ve never bought old vinyl records in the US, but they had Beatles records for $10. that’s got to be pretty good, right? i ended up getting some awesome art there. i got this picture and a little book with some cool pictures in it that i’m planning to cut up and make something out of.
and to finish the day, i sat at a little French café with a fruit parfait and cup of coffee, writing down all the great things i had seen/heard/experienced/tasted/etc.
if you’ve made it all the way through this post, i thank you! i’m not one to be brief with words, when i actually take the time to sit down and type them out. obviously, i had a great couple of days. along with a bbq with some coworkers tomorrow, i’m wrapping up a great vacation week. and although it’s been nice to have the time off to rest, adjust, explore, and bike, i’m also pretty excited to go back and see the kids.
sayonara!
ps-i've put together a fun little video about my life here so far, but i need a good internet connection to upload it. so, next week, when i get to work, i should be able to post it.
the main highlight from yesterday:
i bought a bike! i had been trying for a couple days, stalled by weather and holidays (on which the shop was closed). so, i was extremely excited when i was finally able to get it yesterday! for now, i’m toying with the name “akka”, which means “red” in Japanese, “sister” in tamil, “here” in Spanish, and… “(a surprised exclamation [a-ha] with a hard Yiddish accent)?” in English. all good things! it’s a bit small, but i love the retro style (which is the norm here). i immediately took it for a long ride, to where i work, to test out the route. it’s a long and somewhat difficult ride, so i’ll probably only do it a couple times a week. it felt so great to ride though! today, riding it to run an errand, i found myself thinking, ‘life is better on a bike.’
while on my long ride to and from where i work (a little over an hour each way), i had time to see a whole other part of my city, at a nice pace. funny signs/things i saw:
- a denny’s. one of a few i’ve seen actually. of all chains to be here, denny’s? seriously? i don’t know the last time i was at a denny’s in the US, but i’m sure i’ll be craving some pancakes some day and will give it a try here. they better have some damn pancakes.
- a hardware store called “hard & tool.” i laughed out loud. i don’t know what it says about the English language (or just me?) that when traveling, a large majority of English-attempted signs are easily interpreted as penis references. i remember noam Chomsky once saying, “in language, we create slang for things we fear. that’s why the two things we have the most slang for are death and the penis (sex).” still—hard & tool? hilarious.
- a car dealership/shop called ‘TAX’—Total Automobile Excellence. again, i wanted to stop by and say, “hey, if you’re trying to bring in English-speaking customers with the English sign, best not using the acronym TAX. people don’t like those.”
- there was also a sign for ‘BLAM!!’ (yes, 2 exclamation points)!! it was an indoor sportscenter or something, but with a pretty technical sounding acronym for BLAM that i can’t remember.
- i also passed a bunch of random fields of crops. they smelled so wonderfully like farms and outdoors. i was pretty nostalgic for the Midwest US.
- i also really liked the courteous nature of people as i rode. there isn’t always a sidewalk, and rarely is there room for multiple people. so, if someone was coming opposite, someone would have to stop and let the other person go by. and i came up to a lot of old people walking that would stop, wait for me, and then we’d give a little head bow as we passed. it was very sweet.
and today—even better! i finally went into Tokyo. i went into a neighborhood called ikebukuro, which i haven’t heard great things about. i’ve heard it’s a bit grungy and without much to see. if this is “grungy”, then i can’t freakin’ wait to see the rest of Tokyo.
highlights:
someone actually talked to me! in English! (it doesn’t happen often). when i came up from the big, crazy train station, which seems more like an airport than a train station, this is what i saw:
and this was one of about 8 exits. i had my trusty guide book, ensuring that i look as touristy as possible, but i decided to look at the big map outside the station to orient myself before looking around. (luckily, there were these huge maps EVERYWHERE, so i really couldn’t have gotten lost if i’d tried.) as i was studying this map, trying to figure out which way i wanted to wander first, a guy came up and asked if i needed any help! i got so excited that he had offered, that i wanted to make up something specific i was looking for, but i didn’t actually have anything. so, i said, “thank you so much! but, i’m just kind of trying to get oriented before i head out. thank you though!” honestly, it seems insignificant, but it was a great way to start the day. i have looked lost plenty of times in my neighborhood, and have never had anyone say a thing to me.
as the picture above only KIND OF captures, the amount of life in this one area was incredible. there were people and signs and sounds and things everywhere. i didn’t even try to play it cool and look like i knew what i was doing. i was gaping like the most touristy tourist in the world. i was saying, ‘holy shit!’ out loud. things were just too amazing not to audibly exclaim.
diversity! i hadn’t seen too much in my city, but i actually saw some here! different races (it seems Africans have a pretty strong hold on the hip hop clothing market here, which is really interesting and somewhat ironic to me. a future post may be coming on this topic), different religions (some people in traditional muslim clothing, to whom i found myself giving a ‘hey, how’s it going fellow outsider’ type of look, until i felt like an insensitive idiot, and realized it’s probably a bit different and maybe more difficult thing for them), and different sexual orientations (i saw a same sex couple for the first time since i’ve been here). i also (FINALLY) saw some tattoos and piercings. i also saw an Indian restaurant and a Spanish bar! i’m definitely heading back for those. (i actually ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant, by accident, thinking it was Japanese food, and all my fears about eating out without someone to translate were confirmed. even though the menu had pictures and English translations, the vegetarian things i tried to order had meat in them. i tried to eat around the meat, but even still didn’t feel too great afterwards.)
i stumbled upon an awesome little used book/record/art shop. normally, i don’t go into the little bookstores because, you know, i don’t read Japanese. but, i noticed this one had records. they had a ton of awesome ones, for really cheap. i’ve never bought old vinyl records in the US, but they had Beatles records for $10. that’s got to be pretty good, right? i ended up getting some awesome art there. i got this picture and a little book with some cool pictures in it that i’m planning to cut up and make something out of.
and to finish the day, i sat at a little French café with a fruit parfait and cup of coffee, writing down all the great things i had seen/heard/experienced/tasted/etc.
if you’ve made it all the way through this post, i thank you! i’m not one to be brief with words, when i actually take the time to sit down and type them out. obviously, i had a great couple of days. along with a bbq with some coworkers tomorrow, i’m wrapping up a great vacation week. and although it’s been nice to have the time off to rest, adjust, explore, and bike, i’m also pretty excited to go back and see the kids.
sayonara!
ps-i've put together a fun little video about my life here so far, but i need a good internet connection to upload it. so, next week, when i get to work, i should be able to post it.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
the paradox of choice
a few days before leaving for japan, i was trying to explain to someone that one thing i was excited for was to be somewhat limited in the way i would live. i was excited to go to place where i didn’t know the language or the customs, and this would cause me to have to “make do” in a lot of ways, because i wouldn’t be able to just do whatever i felt like or wanted. i think this very much relates to some of my other traveling experiences, especially sri lanka. after coming back from that experience (which i long for in many more ways and for many more reasons than these restrictions), i think i really struggled with being in such a huge and amazing city like Chicago, with a (for me) well-paying job, and not many responsibilities. i am, of course, not trying to complain about this situation at all. of course it is a privilege to live such a rosy existence. and i attempted to appreciate every moment of it. however, it was difficult. and by the springtime (especially when i had quit my job in anticipation for japan and was waiting for everything to finalize) i found myself, rather than using the time and exploring the city, sitting in my apartment a lot. i felt like i was constantly on overload from various stimuli in every direction. hence the desire to go somewhere where i don’t have to constantly decide what i should do or eat, etc, because there are a very limited or no options—i just do what i can, eat what’s available, shower when i can, wear whatever clothes i happen to have.
and at first, this was the case here in japan, and it was pretty great. i got my food from the same couple places because they were the only ones i knew. i went to the same couple stores because they were the only ones i could find my way home from. i used the few, crappy items in my apartment because i had no money and no idea about how/where to buy anything at all. and it was great.
but, as i’ve grown a bit more comfortable and had a bit more time to explore and experience, of course, these restrictions have increasingly fallen away. but, rather than open up a lot of new opportunities, as you might imagine, i’ve found it’s had a bit of a different effect. it has paralyzed me, much in the same way things did in Chicago/iowa/etc. for example, since the day i first arrived in my apartment, i told myself, ‘i really need some shelves or drawers, even crappy plastic ones, to organize some stuff—like clothes, papers, electronics, kitchen or bathroom stuff. and here i am, almost 3 weeks later, and still without. have i not found any, you ask? quite the opposite. i’ve gone to probably 10 different stores (no exaggeration) that have this selection or more:
and every time, i end up thinking, “goo! i have no idea which of these would be best. it would be nice to have bigger ones, but i’m not sure they’ll fit very well in that part of my apartment. i better go home and think about it some more. i don’t want to waste $50 on drawers and then end up wanting to buy something else.” and so, i continue to leave with nothing. i shit you not, i have done this 5-10 times in the last couple weeks.
and in addition, i find that it frustrates me way more than i ever would normally be, when i can’t find something i really want. for example, i have gone out a number of times looking specifically for a reading light/desk lamp, to put by my bed so i can read at night without the big overhead light on. and i swear to you, it is like finding an iowan in japan (like that? i was also going to go with "finding a sumo wrestler in iowa"). the things seem to not exist here. the couple that i have found were over $60. for a little reading lamp. absolutely ridiculous. and not relative to the prices for other home-type items. and if, for example, i had looked for this in sri lanka, i wouldn’t have been at all disappointed in not finding it at the one little grocery store i went to a few times. and in fact, i did read by the overhead light and got up to turn it off every night. and i got used to it quite quickly. but because i know that inexpensive reading lights MUST exist here, i am super frustrated every time i go into a store and walk out without one. (for the record, i did buy an annoying little clip-on light today for $30 that will probably (hopefully) be replaced some day. so, when i do make a choice, i'm not happy with it because i know there are others). here are some of the other many, many, many things there were to choose and choose and choose from, just from TODAY's trip to ONE store:
another reason i think i am thinking about all of this so much currently is that i am currently reading infinite jest by david foster Wallace, which is—among many other things—about the hyper-consumerism of modern times and how we are constantly being marketed to. and how nearly everything is available for purchase. and this may be even more true here than in Chicago. it is ridiculously overwhelming. there are signs/ads everywhere. and they are big and bright and loud. the book is amazing, and i am planning to do a future post on it, as i continue working on it. (today i had a thought, though, that, “my best friends right now are characters—albeit great ones—in a novel. a teenage tennis player and a drug rehab house worker.” is that weird?)
and as i’ve been thinking about all this, i came across the following video the other night. and i think it describes EXACTLY what i’ve been feeling. it is the fact that choice is not necessarily better, but rather can be quite paralyzing. there is so much EVERYWHERE here. there are huge department stores on every corner. there are countless bag stores, book stores, shoe stores, stationary stores, restaurants, cafes, electronic stores, etc, etc, etc, just on my 15 minute walk to and from the train every day. watch the video here:
and so, with that in mind, i have been recalling again some of the reasons why i was so incredibly happy in sri lanka. every day, i got up, wore whatever i had, drank instant coffee, ate whatever was prepared for me, went wherever i was taken, talked to whomever i was around, dealt with whatever the weather was doing, was in my room by 8pm, read whatever i books i had, and went to bed. it was simple. and beautiful. and i had lovely people to spend it with. and i’m not saying that i won’t be able to make it work here and that i won’t be just as happy as i was there or Chicago or anywhere. but it is so very different. and it will take some extra adjustment. and some damn decisions. lots and lots and lots of decisions. chances are, when people come to visit me in 6 months or more, i’ll still be storing things in plastic bags and suitcases. i’m cool with that.
oh, and the big decision for this coming week, when we have national holidays all week and i don’t have to work at all: a bike. luckily, money will be a big factor in that. it’s a decision i’m almost excited for, though!
and at first, this was the case here in japan, and it was pretty great. i got my food from the same couple places because they were the only ones i knew. i went to the same couple stores because they were the only ones i could find my way home from. i used the few, crappy items in my apartment because i had no money and no idea about how/where to buy anything at all. and it was great.
but, as i’ve grown a bit more comfortable and had a bit more time to explore and experience, of course, these restrictions have increasingly fallen away. but, rather than open up a lot of new opportunities, as you might imagine, i’ve found it’s had a bit of a different effect. it has paralyzed me, much in the same way things did in Chicago/iowa/etc. for example, since the day i first arrived in my apartment, i told myself, ‘i really need some shelves or drawers, even crappy plastic ones, to organize some stuff—like clothes, papers, electronics, kitchen or bathroom stuff. and here i am, almost 3 weeks later, and still without. have i not found any, you ask? quite the opposite. i’ve gone to probably 10 different stores (no exaggeration) that have this selection or more:
and every time, i end up thinking, “goo! i have no idea which of these would be best. it would be nice to have bigger ones, but i’m not sure they’ll fit very well in that part of my apartment. i better go home and think about it some more. i don’t want to waste $50 on drawers and then end up wanting to buy something else.” and so, i continue to leave with nothing. i shit you not, i have done this 5-10 times in the last couple weeks.
and in addition, i find that it frustrates me way more than i ever would normally be, when i can’t find something i really want. for example, i have gone out a number of times looking specifically for a reading light/desk lamp, to put by my bed so i can read at night without the big overhead light on. and i swear to you, it is like finding an iowan in japan (like that? i was also going to go with "finding a sumo wrestler in iowa"). the things seem to not exist here. the couple that i have found were over $60. for a little reading lamp. absolutely ridiculous. and not relative to the prices for other home-type items. and if, for example, i had looked for this in sri lanka, i wouldn’t have been at all disappointed in not finding it at the one little grocery store i went to a few times. and in fact, i did read by the overhead light and got up to turn it off every night. and i got used to it quite quickly. but because i know that inexpensive reading lights MUST exist here, i am super frustrated every time i go into a store and walk out without one. (for the record, i did buy an annoying little clip-on light today for $30 that will probably (hopefully) be replaced some day. so, when i do make a choice, i'm not happy with it because i know there are others). here are some of the other many, many, many things there were to choose and choose and choose from, just from TODAY's trip to ONE store:
another reason i think i am thinking about all of this so much currently is that i am currently reading infinite jest by david foster Wallace, which is—among many other things—about the hyper-consumerism of modern times and how we are constantly being marketed to. and how nearly everything is available for purchase. and this may be even more true here than in Chicago. it is ridiculously overwhelming. there are signs/ads everywhere. and they are big and bright and loud. the book is amazing, and i am planning to do a future post on it, as i continue working on it. (today i had a thought, though, that, “my best friends right now are characters—albeit great ones—in a novel. a teenage tennis player and a drug rehab house worker.” is that weird?)
and as i’ve been thinking about all this, i came across the following video the other night. and i think it describes EXACTLY what i’ve been feeling. it is the fact that choice is not necessarily better, but rather can be quite paralyzing. there is so much EVERYWHERE here. there are huge department stores on every corner. there are countless bag stores, book stores, shoe stores, stationary stores, restaurants, cafes, electronic stores, etc, etc, etc, just on my 15 minute walk to and from the train every day. watch the video here:
and so, with that in mind, i have been recalling again some of the reasons why i was so incredibly happy in sri lanka. every day, i got up, wore whatever i had, drank instant coffee, ate whatever was prepared for me, went wherever i was taken, talked to whomever i was around, dealt with whatever the weather was doing, was in my room by 8pm, read whatever i books i had, and went to bed. it was simple. and beautiful. and i had lovely people to spend it with. and i’m not saying that i won’t be able to make it work here and that i won’t be just as happy as i was there or Chicago or anywhere. but it is so very different. and it will take some extra adjustment. and some damn decisions. lots and lots and lots of decisions. chances are, when people come to visit me in 6 months or more, i’ll still be storing things in plastic bags and suitcases. i’m cool with that.
oh, and the big decision for this coming week, when we have national holidays all week and i don’t have to work at all: a bike. luckily, money will be a big factor in that. it’s a decision i’m almost excited for, though!
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