biutiful. and living the questions.

this weekend, i saw the newest inarritu movie 'biutiful' starring javier bardem. it is an incredible movie. i don't know much about film theory or production, so i'll refrain from a true review. all i can describe is how it made me feel. at least i can attempt to do so. and i must say, for me, it was nothing short of heartbreaking. it was painful. but yet, it truly was beautiful. the story of not just one person, but many, and how they are truly connected in not only their joy and love, but in their pain and suffering as well.

i came across this picture tonight, and it reminded me of one of the scenes in the film that i found most visually striking. the main character's estranged wife was kissing him, but simultaneously almost falling the ground. it was so strange and unnatural, and it seemed to communicate so much about love and pain and connection. at least to me it did. and this sculpture reminded of me of that scene quite a bit.



as i found myself completely overwhelmed emotionally, during and after watching the film, i began to think about my upcoming travels. one thing i love most about traveling, although it tends to be quite a personal challenge, is the confrontation with things in and about the world that i may not know or may choose to ignore. when pushed out into a completely new place with new people and customs and culture and expressions, it's damn-near impossible to ignore the beauty of how we are all connected.

and as tends to happen these days, this has propelled me back to reading some rilke to find some peace. the first thing i re-read was a piece that includes the following lines, reminding me that the horrors in the world ARE the world.

We are set down in life as in the element to which we best
correspond, and over and above this we have through thousands of
years of accommodation become so like this life, that when we
hold still we are, through a happy mimicry, scarcely to be
distinguished from all that surrounds us. We have no reason to
mistrust our world, for it is not against us. Has it terrors,
they are our terrors; has it abysses, those abysses belong to us;
are dangers at hand, we must try to love them.



this poem, especially the last line, broke my heart tonight in a beautiful way:

It seems
our own impermanence is concealed from us.
The trees stand firm, the houses we live in
are still there. We alone
flow past it all, an exchange of air.

Everything conspires to silence us,
partly with shame,
partly with unspeakable hope.


and as i continued my search, i found this poem again, which i absolutely love. i love thinking about my widening circle.

I live my life in widening circles
that reach out across the world.
I may not complete this last one
but I give myself to it.

I circle around God, around the primordial tower.
I've been circling for thousands of years
and I still don't know: am I a falcon,
a storm, or a great song?


and finally, this incredible paragraph from one of rilke's letters. what a perfect reminder that life is not about solving problems, but about having them. it's not about getting through life to arrive at paradise, but finding the paradise in every day life.

I want to ask you, as clearly as I can, to bear with patience all that is unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves, as if they were rooms yet to enter or books written in a foreign language. Don't dig for answers that can't be given you yet: you live them now. For everything must be lived. Live the questions now, perhaps then, someday, you will gradually, without noticing, live into the answer.

Worpswede, July 16, 1903
Letters to a Young Poet



thank you, friends, family, and 'strangers.' thank you for being part of my widening circle, for letting me be part of yours, and for helping me see that they are one and the same. thank you for being god and allowing me to be so as well.
peace to you.

((and if you're digging the rilke and buddhism themes, you might want to check out this podcast. it's pretty amazing.))