this is it.

i've decided it's time to start attempting to document my journey back to south america. for now, as i begin this odd process, i'll just pick out a few of the stories i feel like typing out for now. i'm sure more will come out as i feel like it/remember. i'll probably entitle some parts. that's what i do.


"the way latin american travel is supposed to begin"
as anyone reading this blog knows, i was pretty excited for this trip. not only to travel, but to travel to peru and chile, where so much of my heart remains. so, as i approached the counter to check in for my first flight at ohare, i was pretty much floating. until. i asked the woman if she would be able to connect my luggage through to lima because i would be changing airlines in new york. she did her rapid typing thing and said it shouldn't be a problem...except...how was i planning on getting from laguardia airport to kennedy airport in nyc? "you're shitting me," i said out loud. "um...no," she replied. i had a 2-hour layover in new york and i was going to have to get my luggage and get to a different airport. luckily, she got me on a slightly earlier flight. and even more luckily, i'm a very privileged person who can afford an unexpected $40 cab ride through new york. but, i made it! and it was kind of nice to get the FIRST unplanned happening out of the way. in fact, i was so relieved to realize that i would make the second flight easily that i started trying to chat up my cab driver in new york. but he was not having it. apparently he had just been accused of something by the guy at the airport and that was the only thing he was willing to discuss. so, i let him talk about it for a while and then i just took in the brief look at nyc.


after arriving in lima, i quickly jumped in a cab to a bus station and grabbed a bus for chimbote, about 7 hours north of lima. it was a lot of traveling, yes, but it was so worth it to see courtney. even 7 hours on a bus with no bathroom. i didn't drink anything and got a lot of reading done! and actually, ended up having a really nice conversation with the guy sitting next to me for the last couple hours.


it was so so so great to see courtney. and to see her life. she is someone that continually inspires and challenges me in the way she lives (not just because she lives in chimbote), so even a few days with her was incredibly huge for me. the title of this whole post, "this is it," comes from a conversation we had about life, and being present, and not living for some other time or place or person. but being here, now. like the quote under the title of this blog also. there is only one moment.

this was one beautiful part of that (and this) moment:


after a couple quick days with courtney, i bused it back to lima and got on a plane for santiago. and as we landed, i saw the huge tents where i would eventually pick up my bag, go through customs, and leave without ever entering the airport building, which had sustained significant damage. and as i saw the tents, i remembered the earthquake for the first time. i had that same rush of excitement/anxiety thinking about what the city would be like. and what i would be like there.


the city had changed a lot, but you almost couldn't tell that the earthquake had just hit. as far as santiago goes, it's very much back to normal. minus a few really old buildings, like this one:



in fact, i kept forgetting about the earthquake. until thursday, when i went for a long, great run in the sun. and, as i was coming back to the house, i noticed that everyone was out on the street. everyone was leaving buildings and standing in the parking lots/streets, trying to make phone calls. i honestly thought, "hm...lot's of fire drills going on right now. or people just really like to have their lunch breaks outside?" but, when i got back to the house and the nana and bernardita, my host sister, answered the door they asked, "did you feel the aftershock? it was really strong!" they both looked quite shaken up, actually. "no!" i yelled. "are you serious?! my first tremor and i missed it!" i guess if you're running when the ground moves, you don't feel it. or perhaps i'm just that fast that i was actually flying over the ground. well, i think we all know i'm a little too klipsch for that to be the case. in any event, i ended up feeling one of the tremors later in the day. it really is incredible the way the buildings sway. and reports said that the early one had actually been clocked at a 7.2, which is bigger than the haiti earthquake. pretty crazy stuff.


"distance is just another way to relate"
being with my family was absolutely incredible. as we all kept saying, especially my host mom and i, it was completely normal. completely comfortable. it felt as if i had simply been "away" in the states for a little while but now i was home and life could go back to normal. honestly, it was really weird. and it was part of the reason why i spontaneously started crying (which i don't do that often) when on a day trip with my host dad on the last day at cerro san cristobal:


i realized that i had been so comfortable all week being with them (and busy with wedding stuff) that i really hadn't made an effort to go to too many places or do many things in santiago. it just felt like i was "back" and had all the time in the world. and looking at this sunset, i realized i didn't:



it probably didn't help that i literally hadn't slept the night before because of the wedding. but regardless, it was really hard for me to accept the fact that i would be leaving the next day. but i did. i decided not to dwell on my upcoming departure, but rather to enjoy being there with one of my favorite people in the entire world, talking about peace, and connection, and the illusion of distance.


"it's just like the movies!"
and for the wedding. so many good things to say i don't even know where to start. the wedding and all other events were a beautiful mix of the two cultures, and therefore a beautiful representation of sarah and felipe's relationship. for instance, it was an extremely formal event, at a huge and beautiful catholic church. very chilean. but also, we had a rehearsal dinner and bridal party, which is not done in chile. so, as we (sarah and the bridesmaids) went around her neighborhood to take pictures before the wedding, people just kept saying, "it's just like the movies!" they were literally stopping their cars and getting out to take pictures of us. people eating al fresco at restaurants started applauding us. it was kind of awesome. i must admit. we did kind of feel like we had walked out of a movie or a bridal magazine or something. and, well, we kind of did. check out this photo, just one of the many amazing shots by the incredible photographer, a friend of sarah's:


check out her blog here.

the wedding was beautiful. and late, which is perfectly chilean. i mean late. it was scheduled to start at 8. it started around 9. cocktail hour started around 1030. dinner was served around midnight, with toasts thrown in here and there. dancing started around 1 and DID NOT STOP until 6am. it was FANTASTIC. as in, fantastic. exactly what i would want, except maybe a little earlier in the day. but the chileans did not stop dancing the entire time. it was more fun than i can explain. when i get some more pictures of the actual party, i will definitely post them.


and so, after all, i left. i said goodbye to santiago with a wonderful 45minute coffee date with my best friend in chile, alejandra. again, it was like no time had passed at all.

the journey home was long, but fine. a 12-hour layover in lima made for a bit of exhaustion, but it was my decision in order to save some money. so, it was definitely worth it. well, until i missed my connection in miami and started crying at the counter. but, i'm sure the woman has seen much worse (you know, like someone cursing when they find out they have to change airports in new york!). she was very nice and got me on the next flight. it was a good reminder to me of the illusion of time and the ridiculousness of trying to hurry.

ok, there's so much more i could write about, but that's it for now. there are more pictures on facebook. actually, i didn't take many, but i put them all up, with a few captions. so, if you're interested, check them out!

thanks for reading! peace and love and eternity to you.

volver. return.

today i leave to return to south america for the first time in almost two years. i can honestly say it is too much for me to fathom at this point. i almost feel like i did when i first went there OVER two years ago, literally having no idea what to expect. i feel like have worked so hard to build a perfect space in my mind and heart for my experience in south america, that this doesn't seem to fit in. i don't know where it'll go.

tomorrow, i will arrive in lima, peru. where this took place:


peru is also where the picture at the top of this page took place. it's a rather unforgettable place. i will spend a few days in peru with one of my best friends, courtney. i haven't seen her in almost two years as well, since she's been living and working there. i can't wait to hug her, and laugh with her, and sing and dance with her, and see her life there.

and then, i will go back to lima and fly to santiago (hopefully). where this happened:


and this:


it's truly impossible to imagine what it will be like to be in the city where i lived for 7 months and where, undoubtedly, so much has changed. to be in the house, to walk down the street. i wish it were under slightly different circumstances. in fact, my host family, with home i will be staying, has still not been able to return to santiago from the south, where they were vacationing during the earthquake. i'm still waiting to hear updates. so, not only am i struggling to imagine what it will be like to be in the same place, but to be in the same place and not know if the metro will be working, or if certain buildings are still standing or are covered in debris. to not know if i can contact certain people because they may have much bigger issues on their hands right now than a visiting gringa.

i changed so much during my time there. and i have changed so much since. i almost feel like when i'm there, i might run in to myself two-years-ago, walking home from the university or from the community center where i took a dance class. and then i think about the beautiful campus of the university and start wondering how much damage it sustained...it will be a strange trip indeed.

but nonetheless, it is under beautiful circumstances as well. i will also be standing up in the wedding of two of my good friends and favorite people, sarah and felipe. they have been through quite a lot in the past week or two, and it will be such a beautiful moment to watch them become wife and husband.

i will update when possible, but i may be busy trying to find a new space in my heart and mind where this trip will go as it fades from future, to present, to past without so much as consulting me.

thanks for reading, thanks for thinking, thanks for challenging, thanks for loving.

peace to you.