even when they got us pinned, we're laughing.

i have recently been loving this song by nathaniel rateliff: laughing

i'm also loving my friends' bands louis and the hunt and scattered trees. both come highly recommended.

other things i've been loving lately:

- cooler weather for bike rides.

- living in a mexican neighborhood during halloween. the dia de los muertes murals on every shop window are enough, but the spirit in general is pretty great. i wish i was going to be around during trick-or-treating tomorrow.

- riding my bike around the city during halloween. i'm not a huge halloween person myself, but there's something about these couple days/nights that i love about the city. it's a few days when nothing is unexpected or unexplained. people can look/do almost anything and it can be explained away. it's a little bit like living in a surrealist painting/movie.

- finally really getting into 'atlas shrugged' by ayn rand. it took me almost to page 700 to really get in the groove, but it's been worth it. the most recent underlined quote:
"she felt an odd calm, almost a confident repose; she knew that it was tension, but the tension of a great clarity. she caught herself thinking: she's functioning well in an emergency, i'll be all right with her--and she realized that she was thinking of herself."

and another, since it relates so well to many of my posts in the last month or two:
" 'no one's happiness but my own is in my power to achieve or to destroy'...she did not answer, she felt as if a word would overfill the fullness of this moment, she merely turned to him with a look of acquiescence that was disarmed, childishly humble and would have been an apology but for its shining joy."

- knowing that if and when i finish atlas shrugged, i get to move on to 'the corrections' by jonathan franzen, and i have some great friends and family members to discuss it with!

this week - t.t.m.m.h.

- dancing to live flamenco music played by an adorable frenchman named david (dah-veed). it was almost not frustrating that i could barely do the steps.

- pumpkin chai

- remember how to say "prendenal valtekal" in tamil--happy birthday--when i called my best friend in SL on his birthday on wednesday

- listening to nathaniel rateliff and louis and the hunt while riding my bike to and from work this week.

- working with great people and getting to laugh a lot at work. even when craaaaazy chileans come in.

- indian food on devon avenue

- a dream in which i was song-writing with lil wayne...

and all at once it is entirely flame.

re-watching and still loving this video from the film "bodas de sangre" by carlos saura, starring antonio gedes and cristina hoyos. especially starting around 5:30. if/when i can do that, i will do it forever, i think.

watch it here: bodas de sangre

is this how new life begins?

sometimes i think we have so many pre-established ideas of what would make us or others happy, that when we or they really are, we miss it completely. here is to being happy now, not when you find the right job, or the right person, or the right city. here's to an existence based on the reality that nothing is promised, and tomorrow everything might change. and here is to letting others know that kind of existence as well, not allowing our expectations, hopes, or dreams define their realities.

'the departure of the prodigal son' by r.m. rilke

now to go away from all this tangledness
that is part of us and yet not ours,
that like the water in old wells
reflects us trembling and ruins the image;
from all this, which as if with thorns
still clings to us--to go away,
and on this and this, so near at hand,
which almost from the first you ceased to see
(they were so common, so undemanding),
suddenly to gaze: tenderly, full of amends,
as if in a beginning and from up close:
and to see at last how without least malice,
how over everyone indifferently the hurt descends
that filled childhood to the brim--:
and then still to go, hand leaving hand,
as if you were tearing open a new-healed wound,
and to go away: where? into uncertainty,
far into some unrelated warm land
that behind all action keeps its distance
like a backdrop--garden or wall;
and to go away: why? from urge, from instinct,
from impatience, from dark expectation,
from not understanding and not being understood:

to take all this upon yourself and in vain
perhaps let fall things firmly held,
in order to die alone, not knowing why--

is this how new life beings?

three pounds for a dollar

i don't do this often, but today i was inspired.


'three pounds for a dollar'

the apples may be getting soft
but to me, they are perfect

as i sit by the window
and bite through the sour green skin,
i can taste
the fading ripeness

as i look outside
i can see and smell the same,
the ripeness of summer fading
into the softness of fall

the sun is still warm
the children are still laughing
the apples are still sweet

and at three pounds for a dollar
who could possibly resist?

- today, as i was describing to someone about why i was so happy in sri lanka and why i still miss it so much, i explained it like this: "because i could speak very little of the language, i couldn't tell people who i was. i couldn't explain the different parts of me. instead, i just was." and i realized how crazy it is that we don't live that way all the time. and i understood a little better why i sometimes feel like life in our culture is sometimes harder than any others.

- i haven't read all of this article, but what i've read so far has been really interesting:
where to begin

- today, i spent time with a friend with an incredible art collection. the piece that most moved me was by a photographer named jed fielding, from chicago, who has a set of pieces that he took of blind children and women in mexico city. the first picture on the page below, of the boy looking upward, is the one he has. it literally brought me to tears.
'look at me'

- saturday nights at home with a book, a glass of wine, and sigur ros does something to my heart that few other things can.

t.t.m.m.h. 10.7.10

- eventful morning runs. specifically, almost getting run over by a fork lift, then accidentally scaring the shit out of a homeless man.

- sunny days when everyone is aware that there might not be many more, and so literally trying to soak it up as much as possible.

- people-watching at museums. especially on free days. the art is also good.

- pictures of people smiling who don't normally smile in pictures.

t.t.m.m.h. 10.5.10

- working at a 4-star italian restaurant and coming home at midnight to a dinner of frozen vegetables and oatmeal. (not sarcasm. i love it.)

- reiteration: riding my bike at night. chicago is so beautiful.

- spending time with intelligent people who challenge the way i think and see the world. and in the process, make me happier to be a small part of it.

- this poem:

'spanish dancer' by r.m.rilke

as in the hand a struck match blazes white
and sends out flicking tongues on every side
before bursting into flame--: in the circle
of packed onlookers, hot, bright, and eager
her round dance begins to flicker and spread out

and all at once it is entirely flame.

with a glance she sets ablaze her hair
and whirls suddenly with daring art
her whole dress into this fiery rapture,
and out of that, like startled snakes,
two naked arms emerge, aroused and rattling.

and then: as if the fire grew tight on her,
she gathers it all up and casts it off
disdainfully, and with imperious demeanor
looks on: it lies there writing on the ground
and keeps on flaming and does not give in--.
but triumphant, serene, and with a sweet
greeting smile she lifts her face
and stamps it out with rock hard little feet.

t.t.m.m.h. - 10.1.10

- live music. especially the kind you can dance to! and/or when you know the people in the band!

- people you've known for a surprisingly long time, but keep learning more about all the time.

- my neighborhood, pilsen. i continue to love it more everyday.

t.t.m.m.h. - 9.30.10

- unexpected and amazing conversations that make you remember what life is all about. connecting with people and loving them.

- a fast-paced job with great people.

- riding my bike through the city at night. quite possibly the best way to see chicago.

- quick catch-ups with great friends.

- concord grape gellato. mmmmmmm.

- tina fey and tracy morgan. love me some liz lemon and tracy jordan.

- resiliency, especially in children. especially in one of my nephews, who's currently recovering from a crazy intense surgery. i hope that someday he'll be as proud of me as i am of him right now.