this is it.

i've decided it's time to start attempting to document my journey back to south america. for now, as i begin this odd process, i'll just pick out a few of the stories i feel like typing out for now. i'm sure more will come out as i feel like it/remember. i'll probably entitle some parts. that's what i do.


"the way latin american travel is supposed to begin"
as anyone reading this blog knows, i was pretty excited for this trip. not only to travel, but to travel to peru and chile, where so much of my heart remains. so, as i approached the counter to check in for my first flight at ohare, i was pretty much floating. until. i asked the woman if she would be able to connect my luggage through to lima because i would be changing airlines in new york. she did her rapid typing thing and said it shouldn't be a problem...except...how was i planning on getting from laguardia airport to kennedy airport in nyc? "you're shitting me," i said out loud. "um...no," she replied. i had a 2-hour layover in new york and i was going to have to get my luggage and get to a different airport. luckily, she got me on a slightly earlier flight. and even more luckily, i'm a very privileged person who can afford an unexpected $40 cab ride through new york. but, i made it! and it was kind of nice to get the FIRST unplanned happening out of the way. in fact, i was so relieved to realize that i would make the second flight easily that i started trying to chat up my cab driver in new york. but he was not having it. apparently he had just been accused of something by the guy at the airport and that was the only thing he was willing to discuss. so, i let him talk about it for a while and then i just took in the brief look at nyc.


after arriving in lima, i quickly jumped in a cab to a bus station and grabbed a bus for chimbote, about 7 hours north of lima. it was a lot of traveling, yes, but it was so worth it to see courtney. even 7 hours on a bus with no bathroom. i didn't drink anything and got a lot of reading done! and actually, ended up having a really nice conversation with the guy sitting next to me for the last couple hours.


it was so so so great to see courtney. and to see her life. she is someone that continually inspires and challenges me in the way she lives (not just because she lives in chimbote), so even a few days with her was incredibly huge for me. the title of this whole post, "this is it," comes from a conversation we had about life, and being present, and not living for some other time or place or person. but being here, now. like the quote under the title of this blog also. there is only one moment.

this was one beautiful part of that (and this) moment:


after a couple quick days with courtney, i bused it back to lima and got on a plane for santiago. and as we landed, i saw the huge tents where i would eventually pick up my bag, go through customs, and leave without ever entering the airport building, which had sustained significant damage. and as i saw the tents, i remembered the earthquake for the first time. i had that same rush of excitement/anxiety thinking about what the city would be like. and what i would be like there.


the city had changed a lot, but you almost couldn't tell that the earthquake had just hit. as far as santiago goes, it's very much back to normal. minus a few really old buildings, like this one:



in fact, i kept forgetting about the earthquake. until thursday, when i went for a long, great run in the sun. and, as i was coming back to the house, i noticed that everyone was out on the street. everyone was leaving buildings and standing in the parking lots/streets, trying to make phone calls. i honestly thought, "hm...lot's of fire drills going on right now. or people just really like to have their lunch breaks outside?" but, when i got back to the house and the nana and bernardita, my host sister, answered the door they asked, "did you feel the aftershock? it was really strong!" they both looked quite shaken up, actually. "no!" i yelled. "are you serious?! my first tremor and i missed it!" i guess if you're running when the ground moves, you don't feel it. or perhaps i'm just that fast that i was actually flying over the ground. well, i think we all know i'm a little too klipsch for that to be the case. in any event, i ended up feeling one of the tremors later in the day. it really is incredible the way the buildings sway. and reports said that the early one had actually been clocked at a 7.2, which is bigger than the haiti earthquake. pretty crazy stuff.


"distance is just another way to relate"
being with my family was absolutely incredible. as we all kept saying, especially my host mom and i, it was completely normal. completely comfortable. it felt as if i had simply been "away" in the states for a little while but now i was home and life could go back to normal. honestly, it was really weird. and it was part of the reason why i spontaneously started crying (which i don't do that often) when on a day trip with my host dad on the last day at cerro san cristobal:


i realized that i had been so comfortable all week being with them (and busy with wedding stuff) that i really hadn't made an effort to go to too many places or do many things in santiago. it just felt like i was "back" and had all the time in the world. and looking at this sunset, i realized i didn't:



it probably didn't help that i literally hadn't slept the night before because of the wedding. but regardless, it was really hard for me to accept the fact that i would be leaving the next day. but i did. i decided not to dwell on my upcoming departure, but rather to enjoy being there with one of my favorite people in the entire world, talking about peace, and connection, and the illusion of distance.


"it's just like the movies!"
and for the wedding. so many good things to say i don't even know where to start. the wedding and all other events were a beautiful mix of the two cultures, and therefore a beautiful representation of sarah and felipe's relationship. for instance, it was an extremely formal event, at a huge and beautiful catholic church. very chilean. but also, we had a rehearsal dinner and bridal party, which is not done in chile. so, as we (sarah and the bridesmaids) went around her neighborhood to take pictures before the wedding, people just kept saying, "it's just like the movies!" they were literally stopping their cars and getting out to take pictures of us. people eating al fresco at restaurants started applauding us. it was kind of awesome. i must admit. we did kind of feel like we had walked out of a movie or a bridal magazine or something. and, well, we kind of did. check out this photo, just one of the many amazing shots by the incredible photographer, a friend of sarah's:


check out her blog here.

the wedding was beautiful. and late, which is perfectly chilean. i mean late. it was scheduled to start at 8. it started around 9. cocktail hour started around 1030. dinner was served around midnight, with toasts thrown in here and there. dancing started around 1 and DID NOT STOP until 6am. it was FANTASTIC. as in, fantastic. exactly what i would want, except maybe a little earlier in the day. but the chileans did not stop dancing the entire time. it was more fun than i can explain. when i get some more pictures of the actual party, i will definitely post them.


and so, after all, i left. i said goodbye to santiago with a wonderful 45minute coffee date with my best friend in chile, alejandra. again, it was like no time had passed at all.

the journey home was long, but fine. a 12-hour layover in lima made for a bit of exhaustion, but it was my decision in order to save some money. so, it was definitely worth it. well, until i missed my connection in miami and started crying at the counter. but, i'm sure the woman has seen much worse (you know, like someone cursing when they find out they have to change airports in new york!). she was very nice and got me on the next flight. it was a good reminder to me of the illusion of time and the ridiculousness of trying to hurry.

ok, there's so much more i could write about, but that's it for now. there are more pictures on facebook. actually, i didn't take many, but i put them all up, with a few captions. so, if you're interested, check them out!

thanks for reading! peace and love and eternity to you.

volver. return.

today i leave to return to south america for the first time in almost two years. i can honestly say it is too much for me to fathom at this point. i almost feel like i did when i first went there OVER two years ago, literally having no idea what to expect. i feel like have worked so hard to build a perfect space in my mind and heart for my experience in south america, that this doesn't seem to fit in. i don't know where it'll go.

tomorrow, i will arrive in lima, peru. where this took place:


peru is also where the picture at the top of this page took place. it's a rather unforgettable place. i will spend a few days in peru with one of my best friends, courtney. i haven't seen her in almost two years as well, since she's been living and working there. i can't wait to hug her, and laugh with her, and sing and dance with her, and see her life there.

and then, i will go back to lima and fly to santiago (hopefully). where this happened:


and this:


it's truly impossible to imagine what it will be like to be in the city where i lived for 7 months and where, undoubtedly, so much has changed. to be in the house, to walk down the street. i wish it were under slightly different circumstances. in fact, my host family, with home i will be staying, has still not been able to return to santiago from the south, where they were vacationing during the earthquake. i'm still waiting to hear updates. so, not only am i struggling to imagine what it will be like to be in the same place, but to be in the same place and not know if the metro will be working, or if certain buildings are still standing or are covered in debris. to not know if i can contact certain people because they may have much bigger issues on their hands right now than a visiting gringa.

i changed so much during my time there. and i have changed so much since. i almost feel like when i'm there, i might run in to myself two-years-ago, walking home from the university or from the community center where i took a dance class. and then i think about the beautiful campus of the university and start wondering how much damage it sustained...it will be a strange trip indeed.

but nonetheless, it is under beautiful circumstances as well. i will also be standing up in the wedding of two of my good friends and favorite people, sarah and felipe. they have been through quite a lot in the past week or two, and it will be such a beautiful moment to watch them become wife and husband.

i will update when possible, but i may be busy trying to find a new space in my heart and mind where this trip will go as it fades from future, to present, to past without so much as consulting me.

thanks for reading, thanks for thinking, thanks for challenging, thanks for loving.

peace to you.

i almost wish...

...i didn't love traveling so much. well, not that i would love it less, but that there was something less expensive that i loved as intensely.

i went to san francisco this weekend, and got back late last night (sunday). i went for a social work research conference, but had a good amount of time to explore a bit. i went alone, which i actually really loved. i'm coming to learn that traveling is something i find really calming. i think appreciate the opportunity to be out of control--as in, there are much less demands on my time, and i have very little control of it. so, i'm able to take everything in, meet new people, see/hear/smell/taste new things, and not feel as though i should be spending my time on "more productive" things.

also, when traveling, i am MUCH better at recording my thoughts--even the smallest and seemingly insignificant. so, here are some of the highlights and thoughts i jotted in my journal, planner, or conference booklet over the weekend.

--the el (train) on the way to the airport in chicago at 5am smelled overwhelmingly like expensive cheese. but, in a really, really bad way.

--i've found that EVERY time i fly, during take-off, i lean forward and contract my abs to get a little ab workout. this is 100% my mother's doing. i remember her telling me to do it the first time i ever flew, and i've done it ever since. and i think of her every time. thanks mom!

--my hotel was in the heart of chinatown! it was great. here's a picture:


--the conference was downtown, in the financial district, near the pier. it was beautiful, but i saw more brand-label stores, banks, and coffee shops than i have EVER seen jammed in one area. ever.


--the conference itself was pretty great. it was a forum to present research papers, so it was extremely academic, but the topics were also extremely interesting. as far as i know, i was the only masters-level student there, all the rest being doctoral students or phds. i went to presentations on research about: adolescent alcohol use in chile (!), low-income housing in chicago, post-traumatic stress related to natural disasters and terrorism, latino day laborers, and welfare policy, among others. and the hotel where the conference was held was unbelievably gorgeous. which was an uncomfortable contrast, for me at least, with the pretty crazy number of homeless people--young and old--right outside. the hotel:


--friday night, i explored a neighborhood called haight ashbury that was really great. lots of interesting people, great art, amazing thrift and music stores. here's one of my favorite pictures i took while walking around there:


--saturday, during my lunch break from the conference i went to a great farmers market down by the bay. there were street performers, great produce, and lots of joy. i'm tired of posting pictures on here, so i'll put the rest on facebook later that you can see if you'd like.

--saturday night i explored chinatown a bit more. it was pretty touristy, but that was to be expected. it was still great.

--sunday, after the conference, i headed home. i would have loved to spend some more time there.

i had intentions of writing more, but since i start classes tomorrow and am getting pretty tired now, i'm not going to. i'll put up the pictures soon, and captions will undoubtedly be included. i think everyone that may possibly read this is on facebook, so you'll know when i do.

peace!

things i'm loving.

ok, clearly i didn't do too well at the 31 days in december thing. but, it definitely reminded me to be constantly aware of the beautiful things around me, which is always good.

here are some things i'm currently loving:

--music by passion pit, especially the song "little secrets." i'm unable to hear it without dancing.

--the last couple books i've been reading. i finished "naked" by david sedaris over christmas and loved it. i then read "what is the what" by dave eggars. it was really great as well. it inspired a lot of specific thoughts about not only the world and the ways it (doesn't) work, but what it means to be human as well. i'd love to discuss more with you, if you want. call or email! now i'm reading 'eating animals' by jonathan safran foer. it's really great too. it's definitely re-affirming my decision to be a vegetarian, but i'd love to hear the thoughts after reading it of someone that isn't. anyone read it? i'm not sure which book is next. i have a big stack on my desk.

--the show 'entourage.' i've never really watched it before, but i've been watching a few episodes the last couple days, and it's pretty great. it's no '30 rock' or 'the wire,' but it's good.

--fader magazine. i got a subscription for christmas, and i've been devouring the first couple magazines. they've led me to do the following: watch some really funny videos online, most involving zach gallifinakis, explore and listen to some new artists, work on some new art projects of my own, and watch old 'yo mtv raps' videos on youtube, especially of wu tang clan. any magazine that inspires all that is a pretty good one by me.

--yoga. i've been doing some after working out the last week or so, and it's been really great.



please feel free to comment with something you're currently loving!

peace.

days 18 and 19.

day 18.

an incredibly peaceful moment last night, listening to good music, drinking good wine, and surrounded by good people.

last night, i went to a venue that i haven't been to in a while, but used to go often during my freshman and sophomore years. my good friend katie was playing a show there, so a few of us went to listen. at one point, while katie was playing, i had this intense moment of nostalgia. i started thinking about when i met katie, over four years ago, and how we've both changed since then. then, i began thinking about who else was around the table, and how we've all changed in that time. i also started thinking about who wasn't around the table, friends that had moved and started new lives elsewhere. and so i began thinking about where we, those of us around the table, might be in 4 more years. it would be altogether possible that not only are we not all in the same city, but that we are not all in the same country. it was as if i was feeling nostalgia not just for the past, but for the future as well.

as the night went on, with the wet snow falling outside, another musician played after katie. he was very good also, and did a cover of the song 'blood bank' by bon iver. and the entire night seemed to come together, at least in reflecting the moment i just described, when he sang the line, "ain't that just like present? to be showin' up like this?" i've been thinking about time a lot lately, and that line really expressed how i was feeling at that moment.

it also made me think of the vonnegut quote written to the side --> that i've written about before here. actually, i think it was the way i began this blog, almost 2 years ago exactly.

day 19.

this song: christmas light by keegan dewitt and the sparrows

busted. day 17. and a few others.

so, i've officially been called out by three people now, which is what i told myself it would take before i would jump back on the wagon here. why do i always start things during finals week that i don't really want to finish? and why have i been busier in the past couple weeks than i was during the semester? life.

well, i'm going to start with today and then write a bunch of other beautiful things from the past couple weeks. i'm not going to number them because i don't want to be limited either way.

day 17: while i was working as a corporate gift-wrapper today in the suburbs (i know, i know), we were listening to a 24/7 christmas radio station (again, it's been a long day), and a song came on that immediately brought me back to 8th grade show choir, when i sang that song. it was such a fun moment of immediately jumping to that time in my life: short, blond hair, lots of sequins and blush, and the belief that this was a really, really important thing. oh, nostalgia.

other things:
--on one of my last days around loyola, i went up in the afternoon to this big ballroom in one of the buildings that is used for big events, where there is a piano. it's a huge room, with an amazing view, but closing my eyes and playing for a while gave me a short time to completely escape within myself.
--sufjan christmas music!!! especially the song 'sister winter.'
--i had a couple nights last week where i just turned up the radiator, poured a glass of wine, and read on the couch. it was beautiful and restful
--seeing old friends--i got to go visit my friend anna last week and it was lovely to feel so comfortable with her. i also spent time with a couple of the girls i studied abroad with last night, which was great as well.
--making new friends--i have met some really cool people in the last couple weeks, which has been really refreshing.
--i just finished the book "holidays on ice" by david sedaris. it has kept me laughing over the past few days of consumerism madness.
--i've watched a few great movies recently: 'no country for old men,' 'city of god,' 'mala educacion,' 'vicky cristina barcelona,' and 'food, inc.' i really enjoyed all of them for very distinct reasons.

okay, i feel like my brain is a mush of poinsettia-patterned paper, green and red ribbons, discussions of the intricate politics of one's daughter's cheerleading squad (i shit you not), all to the soundtrack of 'carol of the bells.'

i promise to try to me a little bit more faithful to this, most of the time.

peace.

day five.

emailing in my last final for the semester and spending the evening celebrating with amazing friends. few things make me happier.