transitions and salinger

things are definitely moving! i am currently in chicago, saying some final goodbyes and getting my visa. i am hoping to fly out next week, sometime around the 13th of april. things have been (and continue to be) pretty random, unplanned, and sporadic, but so is life, right? i had a friend ask the other day about my being relatively calm and seemingly relaxed about everything, especially as i was waiting for some paperwork from japan to come. my answer? salinger. i find a lot of peace from franny and zooey, but i've been re-reading 'seymour--an introduction' the last couple days, and it's been great, as always. so, here are some excerpts below. i was going to give some context for each quote, but i think i prefer not to. you should read it. overall, the (fictional) author, buddy glass, is writing an essay about his older brother, seymour, who committed suicide at age 31. i hope you enjoy.

"However contradictory the coroner's report--whether he pronounces Consumption, Loneliness, or Suicide to be the cause of death--isn't it plain to see how the true artist-seer dies? I say that the true artist-seer, the heavenly fool who can and does produce beauty, is mainly dazzled to death by his own scruples, the blinding shapes and colors of his own sacred human conscience."

"Surely he was all REAL things to us: our blue-striped unicorn, our double-lensed burning glass, our consultant genius, our portable conscience, our supercargo, and our one full poet, and, inevitably,...i think, he was also our rather notorious 'mystic' and 'unbalanced type.'"

"...there is evidently one rather terrible hallmark common to all persons who look for God, and apparently with enormous success, in the queerest imaginable places--e.g., in radio announcers, in newspapers, in taxicabs with crooked meters, literally everywhere. (My brother, for the record, had a distracting habit, most of his adult life, of investigating loaded ashtrays with his index finger, clearing all the cigarette ends to the sides--smiling from ear to ear as he did it--as if he expected to see Christ himself curled up cherubically in the middle, and he never looked disappointed.)... The hallmark most commonly identifying this person is that he very frequently behaves like a fool, even an imbecile."

"No, no, I can't stop now. It seems to me, in my Condition, that I'm no longer merely asserting my brother's position as a poet; I feel I'm removing, at least for a minute or two, all the detonators from all the bombs in this bloody world--a very tiny, purely temporary public courtesy, no doubt, but mine own."

"For the faithful, the patient, the hermetically pure, all the important things in this world--not life and death, perhaps, which are merely words, but the important things--work out rather beautifully."

"Were most of your stars out?"

"They may shine with the misinformation of the ages, but they shine."

"all we do our whole lives is go from one little piece of Holy Ground to the next."

why we travel.

here is another interesting article, along the lines of my last post. the author discusses the fact that travel is about more than just relaxation and "getting away" (for some). Sometimes it's dangerous. But it (almost) always pays off.

progress (or at least the illusion of such).

not too many definite details yet, but it looks like things are starting to move again towards japan. i will post more when i know more.

until then, it was really interesting to read this article and think about moving to a country going through such an interesting and difficult time. i look forward to learning so much. and seeing politicians on bicycles with foghorns...

kandasamy

you can tell i'm feeling pretty nostalgic when i'm listening to and watching this. although, i'll admit the belly dancing part is pretty cool. and the 'rapping' is hilarious. i used to sing this in SL all the time, because it was the only "tamil" song i could sing and remember...

and the now keeps coming.

it's been a while since i've updated here. vast overview: the earth is spinning, some people are suffering, some are laughing, and some are doing both. more specifically, i have moved out of my apartment in chicago and am currently staying at my parents' home in iowa. i was preparing to drop off my stuff, say my goodbyes, and head to japan. however, in light of recent events, my plans are currently on hold. i don't really know anything yet. i'm still planning on going, just not sure when. it was a bit disappointing at first, but considering what has happened and what people are facing in japan, i wouldn't dream of complaining. instead, i'm trying my best to live fully exactly where i am.

some things i have noticed in abundance since i've been here:

--babies. not just my 9(!) nieces and nephews, but others, as well. one day, i went with one of my good friends from grade school and her baby to visit another good friend from school and her baby! lots of babies!

--old people (ironically enough). it's something i always notice when i come to iowa. not that there are more here, i just see them more. i know there are a lot of old people in chicago, i just don't see them. unless they're super rich and come into the restaurant.

--trees. it is so wonderful to smell trees and grass when i go out running. so wonderful.

--big cars. there are a lot of really, really big cars here. and a lot of trucks. you don't see as many pick-ups in the city.

--those shoes with the individual toes. they freak me out a bit, but i've seen them on multiple people here, and i don't think i've ever seen them in chicago. then again, they don't seem like something i would see in a restaurant or in my working-class mexican neighborhood...


general t.t.m.m.h. (things that make me happy):

--riding my bike on the bike trail here--trees and creeks and people that actually look at you and say good morning! lovely.
--playing my parents' baby grand piano.
--hanging with my brothers. i love getting to be with all of my family, but i've known them for 24 years, and for most of those, i was waiting for the day when we could be good friends and just hang out. it never gets old.
--hanging with my sisters-in-law. it's a lot like hanging with my brothers, except they're chicks, so we can talk girl stuff. and we can make fun of my brothers. bastards.
--a family of litero-philes. (i made that up.) when i'm in iowa, especially for a little longer time, my library basically quadruples.
--re-reading the fountainhead by ayn rand. i think it's my spring tradition. challenging and inspiring.

and a new section for the blog, inspired by the lovely megan, crazy shit i saw today (c.s.i.s.t):

--"knight" practice going on the park. full costumes, although the armor was like nerf-ish.
--3, count 'em 3, people i went to high school with in the "engagements and marriages" section of the sunday paper. i should be used to it by now, but it's the sheer volume, i think.

y'all got any good ones?

justice.

today, while running, i was listening to the new lupe fiasco album. it's pretty different than the last couple, but i really really like it. but the one thing i did keep thinking was, 'he seems so angry.' and as i was thinking more about it, i wound up listening to this video by a chilean folk artist named victor jara. and it's really interesting, because i would say that they are really talking about the same issues--social inequality, racism, etc. but, living in different countries, different generations, and different cultures, they have such different ways of communicating. even if you don't speak spanish, i dare you to watch the jara video below and not find it incredibly peaceful. even in light of the fact that during the coup in chile in 1973, he was kidnapped, tortured, and killed by the regime. he wrote some beautiful things in his last hours. i am not saying either method is better, or that lupe doesn't have every reason to be angry. it's just interesting to see how similar and yet different people can be. that's life. beautiful. compare the videos/songs below.

promises.

i've been having some fun this morning, reading this poem and watching this video. (yes, yes, i am way behind, yet again.)

fire’s reflection by rm rilke

Perhaps it's no more than the fire's reflection
on some piece of gleaming furniture
that the child remembers so much later
like a revelation.

And if in his later life, one day
wounds him like so many others,
it's because he mistook some risk
or other for a promise.

Let's not forget the music, either,
that soon had hauled him
toward absence complicated
by an overflowing heart....





also, just a quick note: nostalgia is crazy. really really crazy. i'm in the process of "saying goodbye" to my friends and family in the US, and i find myself feeling like i'm saying goodbye to everyone in sri lanka again. and it's pretty horrible. like that process was so impactful to me, that that's all i can relate this to. ah...life.